Are Your Communication Habits Saving Or Sinking Your Marriage?
Posted: Tuesday, November 10, 2009
by Peggy Ferguson
Peggy L. Ferguson, Ph.D.
Does it feel like something is missing from your relationship? Does it seem like you stay busy all the time and spend very little quality time with your spouse? If it seems that you are not really angry with each other, or that you have not fallen out of love with each other, but more like you never really get around to devoting time for each other and talking about how important you are to one another, you could benefit from learning how to make your relationship a priority.
You may have even made some effort at having a date night, only to find that the conversation was short lived and that you rather quickly resorted to the "weather report", the "kids report", and the "chores list". After a while the date nights didn't seem worth the bother. Maybe you are just a little bored with your relationship. It is easy to simply drift apart. Nobody notices that they have started "sleep-walking" through their marriage.
To move from your marriage being on "autopilot", take pro-active steps. If in the past, when you have carved out time to spend together, but struggled to find something out of the ordinary to talk about, you can take it one step further. There are some things that you can do to "jump start" the interest and passion in your marriage. You can rekindle the spark by carving out a "special time" for your relationship?and making it a priority.
Setting aside a "Sacred time" for couple communication or relationship enrichment is highly rewarding. You can bridge the gap between yourself and loved one by taking action now. There are couples enrichment weekends that are sponsored by local churches, and structured or semi-structured communication exercises such as "Couples Feelings Meetings" and "The Honey Jar".
The "Honey Jar" is a conversation starter for couples, that assists in opening up those lines of communication and restoring the sense of "Us" that may be eroding. It consists of sentence stems, printed separately on business-type cards, and fitting neatly into a one quart mason jar?thus "The Honey Jar". It helps you start talking again, about yourself and the relationship in a way that is non-threatening. Honey Jar can benefit couples at any stage of their committed relationship.
A simple communication exercise that is established as a "Sacred event" can be tremendously helpful in assisting in creating the desired changes in your relationship. "Sacred event" can be defined as something over which nothing else takes priority. You decide on the day(s), time and place for the get together and let nothing derail you from spending this time together in sharing. A healthy relationship is more easily maintained by attending to it now, rather than trying to mend it later.
When spouses feel taken for granted, unimportant, shoved aside, or even bored with their spouse, these feelings can set the marriage up for conflict, a mindset of negative perceptions, hostility, rigidity, infidelity, and even divorce. Revitalize your marriage by restoring open, caring, interested communication. Something so simple can restore a sense of partnership and renewed interest in the relationship.
Copyright (c) 2009 Peggy L. Ferguson, Ph.D.
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The website of Dr. Peggy L. Ferguson, Ph.D., LADC, LMFT, has a number of free resources for couples. http://www.peggyferguson.com/
Click here to download "The Honey Jar" http://www.honeyjarcommunications.com Peggy Ferguson is an alcohol/drug counselor and marriage counselor in private practice in Stillwater, OK. She is also a writer, trainer, and consultant.
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